Monday, February 14, 2005

Weekends are Not Restful for Me Anymore

I've been feeling weird this whole day. Under the weather, since last night.

The days seems to pass in and out while totally ignoring me. No hi, no hello. It's as if I'm sitting in the kitchen, staring at my now-cold tea, and time just barges in and grabs a can of Coke and leaves.

Hoy. Look at me. Or do I shuffle to the bathroom in my bathrobe and slippers, and take a hot shower? Or nevermind, and I'll just sleep again, under the sheets, hiding from the glaring sun.

In here, out of sight, I'd like to type or write and get lost in this world. I'd imagine a tree and a lake and no people. A giant, rocky mountain, casting a foreboding shadow. And an endless line of chocolate cakes. I will dip into the pond of nonsense.

What do I need?

The sun hangs like a 200-watt light bulb, too bright to stare at, washing away the landscape. In the horizon, I see Manila Bay, like gold, like glass, like it's on fire. Everything else is grey. The buildings, the sky, the sound.

I wish I could just stare at this, at nothing, until the sun disappears, and I have an excuse to leave the office, and disappear into the city.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

All I Have to Do is Wait for the Next Leaf to Fall

That green leaf over there, pretending to be growing. That green leaf over there, gathering enough guts to let go and jump off the branch. Leaves are lucky, it reminds itself, because they don't really fall down. Too light, too soft, they are caught by the wind, no matter how gentle or how still. A leaf will never fall straight down. Sideways, it will go, or even travel across the street. In a windy storm, it can even fly across town.

I wish I can watch that leaf fall. Any leaf, for that matter.