Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Get Go, Weirdo, Hairdo, Your Body

I am distracted, and I can't hide it. I'm bored out of my mind and I really hate it.

The never-ending bullshit that swirls around me, like an ipo-ipo, a tiny twister, irritating me, trying to suck me into its skinny ass. My frustration and anger level is very high. I want to lash out and hit something, some living thing, a tree, a dog, some pork meat.

Buildings, light, walls, shadows, broken glass, asphalt road, pebbles, rubber shoes, rats, texture of the city. I am running like hell, away from myself.

I want it all to stop and leave me alone. I want to change my brain and mind and insides and be someone else. I want to be wherever I am not. Where I can see the horizon all around, the clear sky, and hear nothing but the breaking surf or a falling tree.

I really, really, really want something else for myself. Maybe a bookstore in Canada. Will I like it in Canada?

I made her cry the other day. I want to throw out so many things from my condo. I want to strangle my neighbor. I am holding on to and cursing a rope, slipping off my hand. I should let go and let the chip fall where it may.

A thud. I want a thud.

Kiss me. Kick me. Do something. I want to run around the city like a plane looking for parking. I want to ride the MRT at twice its speed. I want to swing from all the tall buildings. I want to step on all the heads of everone in the massive crowd. I want shotguns and pellets and high heels.

I want to throw a cat outside the window.

I want to break out, don't stop to ask. Try to make it last. I want to find a way down the alleys and byways and highways and the fields and cats and the antelopes. Where everything is made of leather and bones and decaying leaves.

I want to squish the fat, green caterpillar with my aching, bare foot.

Who should I blame? Who can I slap in the face? Kick in the groin? Whose head deserves a baseball bat? This damn country is falling apart and we are all frogs slowly boiling in this fucking cauldron.

You, you, you. I hate all your indifference. Let's all die, except for me. I am so damned angry. I don't care to make sense or make excuses. I am about to explode.

Hey, you, guy looking at me with your fucking eye. Don't wink, don't offer me a drink. I will connect my elbow to your chest, and slam it with all my might. Don't touch my breast. See this ring? With this ring I will scratch thine lovely, boy-toy face.

Do me, do me a big favor, and get out of my way. Get out of my hair. Let me enjoy my margarita in peace.

1 comment:

pete's bethist said...

hmmm... maybe you should go to Canada.. but will you like it there? I don't know!!! You'll be faced with other issues too!
Our country is definitely crumbling...makes me think of moving out too... but to where? to the US... to AUstralia??? been there found the places Canada? i think it will be the same too!
Guess it will be easier to just throw some things out and blow some steam... and yes till you drop dead!!!
Okay i'm outa here! enjoy your margarita in peace!